she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I cut my penus on the lid.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
