I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i've created a new STD.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
