three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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