Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This baby is an asshole
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
