You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
