what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Say something about gay babies.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Randomize
