I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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