if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
