Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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