I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
