"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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