Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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