Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
