I think I am morally bankrupt
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
