I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
