Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
that's an acceptable place to lick
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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