If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize