allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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