Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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