we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
