Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Farmville is her only friend.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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