Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
