with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
