I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
