The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
