We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
