i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
