apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
