I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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