dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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