Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
