I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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