that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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