New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
