Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
