Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i now understand why vodka
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
