I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
