A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
