I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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