Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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