Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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