Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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