it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
