the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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