Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
