True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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