Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
