dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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