there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
