the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
