hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
