I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
