Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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