It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
