i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
