Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
