The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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