My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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