Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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