can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
