How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
