Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My feet surprised me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
