And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
