a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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