Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
