I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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