Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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