Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
