It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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