New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
