smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
