Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
