remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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