I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
