Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
