So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
