I wanna passion pit in your ass
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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