So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
